When I went to Urbana (an InterVarsity Christian Fellowship missions conference held every 3 years) in Grade 12, I had no idea what kind of seed God was planting. I found the conference sessions and speakers inspiring and I loved the experience of worshipping with thousands of other students. But in Grade 12, my dream was to be a professional dancer and choreographer. My dream was not to be a missionary.
No More Church
In fact, less than a year later I was no longer attending church. University life in a big city seemed so exciting and church didn’t seem to fit in with my new life. And then a terrible secret was uncovered within the life of my home church in New Brunswick that revealed a world of lies and hurt that made church seem even less appealing or worthwhile. I did not lose my faith in God, but lost my way of relating to God and drawing close to Him through community. He seemed far away and I felt empty and lost.
Hearing God’s Voice
And then I heard God’s voice. Somehow, in the midst of my loneliness and brokenness I heard Him say: “Karen. You know what you need to do, go and do it.” It had been six years since I had attended a church regularly, but one Sunday morning I braved the doors of a church. I hid out in the back at first, not talking to anyone. Eventually I found the courage to get involved. I can look back now and see all the ways that God’s hand was at work.
As a volunteer youth leader, I began to feel like I was missing important insight into Scripture. I felt like I needed to catch up on learning what I had missed while not attending church. I started to take home commentaries from the church library. I have to admit that I look back on that and laugh – I can’t imagine now that I actually did that!
Some friends advised me to take some courses at Tyndale College and Seminary (then OBC/OTS). I decided to jump right in and go to school full-time. At the time I really had no idea what I would do with a Masters degree in Theological Studies. I was just really interested in the courses. It seemed better than working full-time at an admin job that I disliked intensely but which paid the rent so I could be at the dance studio in the evenings, though at the time even dancing wasn’t really making me happy.
Discovery
It was through the courses I took, the people I met along the way, and my volunteer work with the youth group, that I began to feel drawn to working with youth. I changed programs after my first year to complete the MDiv in Youth and Family Ministries.
Discerning how God has called me to go out and be a Christ-like presence among youth and their communities has been a slow process of discovery. There were some at Tyndale who had amazing stories of hearing a clear call from God to full-time ministry when they were very young. I always marveled at those stories, asking myself: “Why didn’t God call me like that?” Maybe He knew I would have run away in terror if He had done that.
There are still many days that I do not feel equipped or ready to do what I do. There are many days I wonder how God can possibly be using me. But as I have journeyed with Him, I have come to realize He really wants me. He wants me to know Him, worship Him and serve Him just as I am. As long as I am faithful to my relationship with Him, He will walk with me in whatever situation I find myself in and He will continue to guide every step I take.
by Rev. Karen Robinson,
Based in Toronto, Rev. Karen Robinson works for Youth Unlimited.
